faith


“For the Lord your God is living among you.
He is a mighty savior.
He will take delight in you with gladness.
With his love, he will calm all your fears.
He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.” Zephaniah 3:17 NLT

among you – He is with me, He is in me, and He knows what is like to be human because He took on human form at one time
mighty – nothing is too difficult for Him
delight in you – He enjoys being my friend
With His love, He will calm all your fears — This is what I am clinging to today

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I am looking for friends who would be interested in doing this easy accountability group with me.  It’s all online and via email.  Here is the website with the info.
Leave me a comment or email me if you are interested. Thanks!

I have many fears about writing about what happened Thursday and the decision I made.  Fears that people will think I am crazy, fears that people will think I wasted a school district’s time, fears that people who recommended me for a job will be hurt that I didn’t take the job, etc…  It is not my intention to be a jerk or crazy or anything else.  I am not a person who feels like she has the whole relationship-with-God thing down really great these days.  My walk has been improving in the last couple of months, but it is nowhere near where it should be.  So I hope this does not come across holier-than-thou or super-spiritual because I am not either of those things.

I woke up Thursday knowing I would be making some sort of job decision.  I had been offered a job the week before at District A, and the principal there had been gracious enough to give me the time to finish up my interview process with District B so that I could make the best decision for our family.  Each district had its pros and cons, which I won’t take the time to write about here because it isn’t that important.  The one thing I will say for District A is it is where my teacher-friends are, it is familiar, and the boss I would have next year I had only heard good things about.  Anyhoo…

I went to my second interview with B.  I had to teach a lesson, and I know I did well. (The GLE I was given was rather boring, but I did what I could with it.)  The interview after the lesson went well, and throughout the process district B expressed a lot of interest in hiring me.  After the interview they told me they would let me know today or tomorrow as they had a few more interviews that day.  I went home, going over everything in my head – trying to make a decision about telling A yes.  I discussed with my husband for the millionth time.  Still struggling to make a decision, I decide to try to lay down and get the baby to take a nap.  Neither of us did.

While I was attempting to rest, I heard something speak to me – not outloud, but to my gut/spirit.  I felt like God was telling me, “Take a risk.  Tell A no.  Things might not turn out the way you want/plan, but I need you to trust Me, and take a risk and say no.”  So of course I have a conversation in my head with God, “But God, I will look really stupid to this, especially if the other job tells me no.”  To which I felt God say, “Don’t worry about looking stupid.  I want you to trust Me.”

Well those of you who know me well know how great I am at trusting (insert sarcastic tone here).  I want my life planned out and to know all the possible results of all my possible decisions, and doing this would give me none of those things.  Nervously, I went and talked about what I was feeling to my husband, who very much encouraged me to do what God was impressing me to do, even though on paper it made absolutely no sense at all.

So I called District A to tell them that although I appreciated everything everyone there had done for me, I could not accept the job.  I did not have a peace about it.  No sooner do I start making this phone call than does Dear Hubby get a phone call.  An out of the blue phone call from a job he applied for last fall. A job we never heard any more about, so we thought that door had closed, and honestly we moved on and pretty much forgot about that job.  They want to do a phone interview with him in two weeks.  When he told me about the call, I got chills because the timing of it was so bizarre.  I’m not saying this job will work out for us or anything, just the timing of the call was weird.  Anyhoo…

Very shortly after that I heard from District B.  They told me, “not at this time,” which of course was a little upsetting.  It is not fun to be rejected, even just moments before when you felt that God was telling you to trust Him to take care of you.  And I know that He will.  Like I said earlier, nothing on paper makes sense.  An outside of observer would probably point out things I could have/should have done, but I know with 100% certainty I was called to trust God and do something seemingly-crazy.

So I did.  And that is not at all how I expected the day to go when I woke up.

So much has happened in the last sixty minutes – from hearing God tell me to step out on faith and take a risk – to attempting to do that (and will still do that when opportunity presents itself) – to having a completely out of the blue opportunity  happen for my husband literally during the moment  I was stepping out on faith – to then about thirty minutes later having a door shut for me at this time – to questioning if I still take a risk – to realizing (or attempting to still realize) that what God has told me to do isn’t dependent on that door.  And all the while wondering what in the world I am doing and feeling sad and confused and anxious and excited all at the same time.

I know this is completely vague, and I will be specific in a day or two.

Wisdom (from Webster’s Dictionary)
“1 a : accumulated philosophic or scientific learning : knowledge b : ability to discern inner qualities and relationships : insight c : good sense : judgment d : generally accepted belief
2 : a wise attitude, belief, or course of action
3 : the teachings of the ancient wise men”

James 1:5

If any of you is deficient in wisdom, let him ask of the giving God [Who gives] to everyone liberally and ungrudgingly, without reproaching or faultfinding, and it will be given him. (Amplified)

If you don’t know what you’re doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You’ll get his help, and won’t be condescended to when you ask for it. Ask boldly, believingly, without a second thought. People who “worry their prayers” are like wind-whipped waves. Don’t think you’re going to get anything from the Master that way, adrift at sea, keeping all your options open. (The Message vs. 5-8)

If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking. (NLT)

I am doing my best to believe that I will be given godly wisdom in the next week or so.  Pro and con lists are helpful, but they are not enough.  Maybe the lesson I am supposed to be learning this month is to quiet myself, ask, and wait.

Whether you turn to the right or to the left, you will hear a voice saying to you, “This is the way; walk in it.”

This was our floor verse in college.  It was painted in the middle  section of our floor.  I probably walked by it a million times.    I haven’t thought about it in awhile, but it came to mind tonight.

I never really noticed the first part. I always put emphasis on the last “This is the way” part.  But maybe the emphasis is supposed to be on the first “Whether you turn…. you will hear…”  Perhaps it means if a person is following God there are times in his/her life where either path that person takes will be okay with God.  The main concern will be that he/she is walking with Him.  The walking by faith is more important than the location/destination.

Of course I have not consulted any commentaries or the Hebrew or anything, so I hope I am not way off base with my thoughts here.

I am starting to feel like things in my life are maybe coming together a little bit.  No, we still don’t have answers about Hubby’s schooling next year.  This is the week we should know.  No, we still haven’t had any prospects on someone buying our house.  No, I still haven’t had any interviews for a job next year (though I did hear from one principal that he would be looking at the paperwork early next week).  Am I disappointed about these things? Yes.  Am I worried about these things?  Strangely, not really.

That is definitely not my personality.  I am a planner, I am a worrier, and I am a realist.  (I think pessimist is too strong. I don’t think everything will turn out bad, but I don’t always think everything will turn out good either!)  So why this somewhat new optimistic perspective?  Honestly, I think it is because my time in the Word has been so much better lately.  For the last month or so, I have been making my way through a Beth Moore study with a few other ladies from various churches.  It is exactly what I needed.  If you have never done a Beth Moore study, I highly recommend the one I am currently doing – Daniel.  Anyhoo – I also picked up One Month to Live from the library.  The subtitle is “Thirty Days to a No-Regrets Life.”  That is what I want.  I am only on Day Two.  We shall see.

News on the baby boy?  The physical therapist is scheduled to come at the end of the month to assess.  Today I actually saw him roll from back to front – in pursuit of a toy I gently took away from him just to see if he would roll.  He is sitting up really well by himself these days – hardly tipping over at all anymore.  He is napping right now.  He had a night where he slept until 5:30 I think last week.  That hasn’t happened again.  He had been making it till about 4 for a few nights, but lately he is back up at 2ish again and then 4:30.  😦  Oh well.  Someday I will get a full night of sleep again.

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